My baby turned one year old yesterday. The tears almost started flowing when we sang happy birthday while bringing out the cake. I’m not sure why it’s at this moment when I lose my cool and am so happy and grateful to celebrate this day with my son. I was unable to sing to most of it because I was all choked up.
This time around, I want to do it differently. I want to be the one raising my child until he steps into kindergarten. I want to enjoy him as much as possible now while he is little. I’m being selfish this time around.
Most of the couples I know have two working parents. It’s become the norm in Canada. In fact, I’ve had multiple helpful suggestions at times when I’m struggling to keep up with my busy boy to start engaging daycare, at least on a part time or occasional basis. My friends go back to work one by one being pulled in by the promise of money to maintain their lifestyles or just pay the bills. “When are you going back to work?” they ask.
And even though I feel like I’m struggling to keep up much of the time, I am resolved in my promise to my young son and to myself to be his main caregiver.
I also don’t technically have a “work” to go back to. I work for myself. I make up the rules. I make up the schedule. I didn’t get “maternity pay”.
The Joys Of Parenting
Parenting can be mundane, but only if you let it. It’s filled with many chores that are tiresome, bothersome and repetitive. It’s all about perspective. When I had my previous baby almost 15 years ago, I got caught up in the chores and I hated them. All I saw was the overflowing loads of laundry and endless dirty diapers, the frustrations from teaching my child how to eat solids or potty train. I wanted out. I sent her to daycare as soon as possible. It was the right choice for me at the time. And I didn’t know any better.
The joys of parenting is between the lines. It’s in my baby’s smile and his slobbery baby kisses. It’s in all of his firsts: his first rollover, crawl, word, step. He’s got this hilarious head bobble that just cracks me up into laughter.
Why on earth would I want to be anywhere else right now. My perspective has changed and my world has opened up to everything I wasn’t seeing before.
The connection I feel with my son is stronger and more rewarding than any other I’ve had thus far in my life. I want to savour it… I want to savour him.
The Baby Needs His/Her Parents
I believe babies come to earth and are assigned to us as parents for very specific reasons. I don’t think it’s random. My baby needs me. Not just anyone, he needs me. He needs his dad. He needs his 14-year old half-sister who isn’t sure what to think of him. He needs his grannie (my mom) who reminds him of me at a subconscious level. He even needs his alcoholic grandpa on his dad’s side.
I feel blessed
There’s so many relationships and experiences waiting for him right here, right now and with us. I’m so glad I’ve been given this second chance at having a child. Thirteen years is an extremely long time to wait between children, and yet everything happened when it was supposed to. I feel blessed!